The pain of infertility is so, so deep. If you are a woman and reading this or you if you are man reading this there is no need to introduce you to the childhood of a woman. It consists of dolls, dolls and more dolls. Holding them, stroking their hair, feeding them, bathing them, strolling around the house with them and putting them to sleep is what every girl child does to the doll instictively.
All of our lives, we dream of being mothers and of nuturing and raising children. When days turn into months, months into years and when that dream does not come true, it so painful. Every other good thing that we have going for us seems unworthy. Being barren as it is called is almost like telling a woman you are not fit enought to be called a woman.
The factors that cause a woman to be barren are endless. Some times you can pin point the exact reason and sometimes the healthiest people can’t seem to conceive. In a country like leave alone the emotional distress caused by infertility, it is almost a social stigma not to be able to bear your husband’s children because they are belived to be those who will sustain the parents in their old age. A barren women often sees her husband leave her for another wife. They are often cut out of family inheritances, become social outcasts and in extreme cases may even be pushed to commit suicide.
As you read this post know that I too am one among you who does not have a child. If you believe in God you will also know that he has a plan for your life…let those words comfort you. When I got married and things were tough I had a prayer in my kitchen. It was near the kettle so that when I made tea each morning I could read it aloud. It was the only thing that kept me going each day. You can see it in the picture below.
Today, I have a different prayer that I say when I feel the maternity pang. Sometimes all that comes out are tears and I cannot even frame one single line of prayer in my mind. It is then that I read this aloud. I got it online and it’s been a constant comfort. I would like to share it with those of you, in a similar situation.
“Lord, help me to know that You are enough.
Take my eyes off of myself. Take my eyes off of the child I desire.
Help me to delight myself in You.
Mold the desires of my heart to be in line with Your will.
I don’t want to need to be a mother more than I need to be your humble, obedient child.
I don’t want, wanting to have a baby to be a stumbling block between You and me anymore.
Lord, I want to give this desire, this drive, this ache up to You.
Help me not to snatch it back as I so often do with the burdens I place in Your hands.
Help me to be truly content with Your will and Your timing.
Lord, You know that I still desire a baby – someone to mold, teach, train, shape, guide, and help to grow in You.
But until the day You give me that joyous blessing, help me to grow in You.
Lord, if adoption is the path You would have us take, prepare our hearts, and prepare the child who will share our home.
If adoption is not Your will for our lives, keep me from pushing ahead of Your plan.
Help me to stay submitted to my husband’s will, and to Your will.
If we are headed in the wrong direction, change our hearts.
Thank You for lifting my burden. Help me to keep You first!
Let me seek Your face daily, and let me know that You are enough!
You are enough! “
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